How to Let Go of Fear and Shame
Claiming God’s Love
A New Year resolution can be the only hope that a person in desperate situations need to keep going in life; to not end their life, to finally be released from the baggage they have been carrying for so many years, and to be released from the shame and guilt of taking so long or lacking courage to finally get their life in order from a past hurt or mistake. This person I’m describing is me. She is the person who was always preaching to other people or trying to save the world when she needed to be saved from herself.
It took me several years to figure out that I had become my own enemy. One year into recovery from a mental health or what we often call nervous breakdown, I felt empowered winging it on my own – beginning the self-help/healing journey. Also, I had been exiled from the only functional family model I knew, my church home, after a call from God to a sabbatical turned into religious abuse then a nightmare – mental health breakdown.
It seemed that my fear or rejection was not only tied to the stigma surrounding my mental breakdown and church exile but also to my sincere obsession with being everything to everyone else but myself. At the time the extent of my over involvement with things other than nurturing my own emotions and health led to a deep depression. In fact, the more depressed I got the busier my schedule became. My mindset was to stay busy helping other people to numb the pain. However, my soul was crying out for attention to resolve the grief that I suppressed from losing close loved ones.
1: Get help when the bad experience is fresh. It was not the first time I suffered from depression, but it was the first time I sought counseling while attending college after the death of my brother. Despite this progress, I did not seek grief counseling right away after my first son’s death that occurred nearly five years later. Exercise and meditation are now staples in not only my life but have become apart of my community to maintain a natural health and wellness routine.
2: Forgive those who hurt you. In my work as a Social Worker, my philosophy is love and forgiveness. Thank goodness for God’s grace and mercies because the Spirit convicted me several years ago to forgive the people who hurt me the most and took advantage of me. Forgiveness was the first step in reclaiming my power, moving past the shame and pain, traveling to Africa, starting my own family and online business.
3: Learn to say no and set boundaries. I’m no different than anyone else who have went to the church for healing. Yet, looking for a healing from God only to later find hurt, one and half years as a selfless servant to later face reality that I was selfishly neglecting myself and too naïve to say “no”. Seven years later, I am free from the self-defeating thoughts of revenge and bargaining with God with my “why” questions. He did not answer the “why” questions. An awakening happened after seven years when I became sincere about moving pass my pain. I started asking God to help me let go and forgive.
4: Acknowledge your feelings, communicate your needs, focus on the strengths of other people and have an honest conversation alone in prayer. That has been the antidote during my journey. A few years ago, when I told my dad how I felt about him not being there for me he said “everyone has their own demons.” Honestly, I did not feel satisfied with that response, but I appreciate the brevity of his feedback. It helped me to give the little girl inside of me permission to stop waiting for her dad because he would never be capable of showing up. I am grateful that my Father in heaven is always there. Also, when my mother challenges my lifestyle decisions, I set boundaries to live for my own happiness and not that of anyone else. Indeed, I will only be judged by God when I die.
5: Let go of a scarcity mindset that there is never enough and being grateful for what I have. As a child I dreamed often about going places all over the world, being a fashion model, being a business woman impacting the world and of, course having wealth so my family would never have to struggle again. I watched other people live my dreams on television and in magazines while I sat at home. It was this same mindset that held me hostage as an adult not to go after what I really wanted to do. I created a façade that everything was fine for me while I chased after the illusion of perfectionism. This illusion doesn’t make sense to me now and I was forced to release what did not work for me then. I believe in an abundance mindset that gratitude will set the atmosphere for the desires of our hearts. Even if you have not reached your goals, still dream and take steps towards them. When you meet a milestone stop to celebrate and rest then work at it again.
Alicia Buchanan
Latest posts by Alicia Buchanan (see all)
- How to Let Go of Fear and Shame - January 23, 2019
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