Lessons Learned From Childhood Trauma
The teenage years are known as a tumultuous time with the onset of puberty which brings its own set of unique challenges. My life as a 16-year-old included the usual growing pains as well as an unraveling of what I knew as truth. Up until that time, I had lived with my paternal grandparents with the understanding that I was their child. I was adored and spoiled in every way possible. When it came time to meet my biological mother, the excitement of seeing her for the first time was short-lived due to a traumatic encounter with her that would impact me well into adulthood.
Torment of the soul is like being chained to something that overpowers and forces itself upon you against your will. This was the condition of my soul until I had an experience with Jesus Christ who delivered me from these torments. My relationship with Jesus Christ provided the solid foundation for an active faith in God. You might ask, what would make a parent want to harm their child? Well, to understand this requires rationale beyond human comprehension and an acceptance to the mysteries of life. In pursuing restoration, it required supernatural faith to unlock the chains that held me in bondage. By having faith in God, I was delivered from my childhood traumas and learned the following truths during the healing process.
1. Faith taught me forgiveness: In order to experience freedom from torment caused by trauma, you must free the person or persons that has caused you pain in your life. This may sound unfair. However, holding on to the memory of any traumatic experience only causes more pain. It means replaying the painful experience over and over in your mind. It means you have chosen to remain in bondage for the rest of your life. So to break the cycle it requires the help of God to release all people surrounding the traumatic event. As humans, we don’t naturally want to forgive because our instinct is to seek revenge. This is why the Bible states in Romans 12:19 in the New Living Translation, “Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge, I will pay them back,” says the LORD.” Simply put, if we have faith in God, we must trust that He can and is able to take care of our pains and hurts in a way that will bring honor and glory to Him. You know you have truly forgiven someone when there is no longer any attachment of pain, hurt or desire to harm the person. When forgiveness happens, an exchange occurs in the soul. Where there was once torment, there now resides a gushing stream of joy, peace and contentment. And only faith in Jesus Christ can make this exchange possible.
2. Faith taught me personal responsibility: As humans we naturally throw blame around and shirk our responsibility in situations. However, playing the “blame game” puts us in a powerless state of mind. God created humans in His own likeness. That means we have God’s DNA of greatness and power within us. So we have to make choices that allow the expression of His greatness in us. One such choice is accepting personal responsibility for our actions and thoughts. But how would an abuse victim take responsibility for something done to them and caused by someone else? Well I learned that it was my responsibility and not anyone else’s to put a stop to the negative feelings associated with my trauma and abuse. I was the one consumed with anger and bitterness so I needed to take personal responsibility that those negative feelings would no longer rule over me. I had to take the necessary steps towards seeking wholeness of my emotions and mind. I was able to do this by acknowledging these negative feelings existed and were robbing me of inner peace and joy. Then I released the root cause of the negative feelings; which involved forgiving anyone that was categorized as my “abuser.” Forgiveness then allowed me to release them from being the root cause of my pain. This quickly turned the tables in my life from being overcome with negative emotions to being an overcomer, from being a victim to a victor; and from being abused to a survivor. Taking the step forward to forgive led me to a thriving emotional state. The benefits of healthy emotions are endless; inner peace, tranquility, joy, confidence, and a strong sense of purpose are just a few. And again, faith in Jesus Christ makes this thriving possible.
3: Faith taught me gratitude: How can you be grateful for trauma? You see, you can’t change the past and what was done to you has happened and is certainly not your fault. Due to this fact, you can be grateful that the journey led you to an overflowing fountain of inner peace. Those that know the impact of torment realize how torment darkens and overshadows the soul. Not everyone heals from trauma so to be able to heal and have inner peace is something to be grateful for daily. I’m grateful for the sunshine deep within my soul and it no longer aches from pain of the past. I’m grateful my inner core is as strong as steel and doesn’t break into pieces as it previously did while carrying trauma. Faith is another sentiment that calls for gratitude because faith anchors the soul to the Creator. This anchor gives hope to the soul that you are known, seen and beloved by a God who holds everything together and is ultimately in control of all situations. How great is that?! The final piece of the puzzle is loving and being grateful for every aspect of your life including the good, bad and ugly. Accept yourself for who you are! You are enough! This sense of gratitude is a powerful way of living to be able to appreciate and enjoy life as a precious gift from God. I am very grateful for a steadfast faith in God, a passionate relationship with Jesus Christ and friendship with the Holy Spirit. I am forever grateful to the One that loved me so much He took my place on the cross and paid the ultimate price for my salvation. There is an endless song of gratitude in my soul. Oh, what a beautiful place to be! Only faith in Christ makes these possible.
Dr. Feyi Obamehinti
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- Lessons Learned From Childhood Trauma - June 9, 2019
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