Dear Mr. Nice Guy...This is Why You Keep Losing Out

Dear Mr. Nice Guy…This is Why You Keep Losing Out

Family, Dating and Relationships
April 24, 2014
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I was reading an article on Charisma Magazine about what single women REALLY like in a man. The two top traits were confidence and thoughtfulness vice wealth and a buff body. I would agree. Then the article segued into a topic I’ve definitely heard before – and am sure you have too: why good women fall for “bad boys”.

This article, though, presented a stance I hadn’t heard before. It argued that we go for the bad boys because they are confident and are direct in their approach with us – not because we fail to realize they’re just no good for us. Meaning, they make it clear what their intentions are for us straight up from the get-go. I had to pause on that. Because it’s true. I’m fairly direct, so I can appreciate a man who is direct with me instead of trying to “feel me out”. So I’ll ask you – how many times have you gone out with a guy you knew or suspected was no good for you because he seemed confident and had a plan? I rest my case.

And isn’t that what we really want? A man who isn’t shy about approaching us, making conversation and making an executive decision about whether he’d like to take us out or not? Then the article took a turn that pleasantly surprised me. It said that what we really want is for the NICE GUY to be direct – not the bad boy – but that he often doesn’t take that approach. What we really want is for him to say “Look. I like you. I think you’re cute. I liked our conversation. I want to continue that conversation over lunch/brunch/dinner/coffee…we can even go paintballing if you want. Please give me your number and when can I pick you up to take you out?” Since Mr. Nice Guy often doesn’t take this approach, the article concluded that he lacks the confidence needed to do this. I had to agree with that one too. I can count on my one hand how many times a genuinely nice guy was direct in his approach with me. And the sad part is that if nice guys were direct and confident when they approached me I would say “Yes, absolutely I would go to lunch/brunch/dinner/coffee/paintball with you”.

So I guess the nice guys lose out because so many of them lack the confidence and boldness it takes to risk rejection and not take it personally. And ladies, let’s please work on being nicer about our rejections when we know we’re talking to a nice guy. He may not come in the package you thought, but he is one of God’s creatures, so please be nice when saying “No thank you”. Until then, Nice Guys…we’ll be praying for you. Because until you get that boldness and confidence we’ll be missing out too. We’ll either stay a hot, single mess because we have no choice but to keep dating bad boys, or we’ll be old maids because you won’t ask us out.

About me: I am highly beloved of God…and so are you! I love how the Word is relevant and practical. I love God. I love the color purple. I’m also a radio show host, contributing writer for Single Matters Magazine and author of the upcoming book “How to Go From a Hot, Single Mess to Ready for God’s