Can You Handle a Real Man?

Family, Dating and Relationships
February 8, 2015
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This one is for my fellow single women who feel there are no real men left.

I know…that’s a strong statement, but it’s how some of you all feel. So I want to take a moment to talk to those of you who feel this way especially if you’re not bashing men or holding men to unreasonable standards. You simply just want to know how to recognize a real man. Well, I’ve noticed that sometimes recognizing real men comes down to a shift in our perspectives about what a real man is. Somehow, many of us have bought into so many lies about men that we couldn’t even realize which way is up and which way is down when it comes to them or in relationships. So I’d like to offer you some fresh and (perhaps) different perspectives on what a real man actually looks like.

Once you actually consider these perspectives, I want to ask you “Can you handle a real man?” Be honest as possible, because I want us to start considering all the ways in which real men show up in real ways in our lives – sometimes all day every day.

Can you handle:

1) A man who’s a strong leader: Many women I’ve met or had the pleasure of interacting with want a man who’s a strong leader. What they’re not prepared to do, though, is be a follower. Many women like this are independent and sometimes used to being in charge at work. Add to that, they haven’t had the opportunity to rely on a dependable man. A man who’s a strong leader and loves you, on the other hand, has no problems taking care of you. He has no problems providing direction for the vision of your family or just making decisions on what to do on a date night. He even listens to you and wants to know and wants to make a decision with you. This man is a safe place for you to be who God created you to be as a woman – a helper to a man who takes your wants, needs and feelings into consideration as he maps out your life together.

2) A man who’s overcome a past of undue hardship and/or poor choices: Ladies, you’ll recognize this man more readily when you accept that you aren’t perfect that you’ve messed up good opportunities in your own life. Likewise, some real men have overcome the realities of the cards they were dealt, and even their own poor choices. What happened before you is either going to serve to make him a better man for you, or it’s going to hinder any type of real relationship between the two of you. If it’s made him a better man for you, embrace his past and accept him for who he is.

3) A man who isn’t a macho man: So many women want a macho man. They think that’s the ultimate display of manliness and manhood. But what if a real man can be softspoken? How about patient? Or gentle? Caring, thoughtful and sweet. I’ve met men like this and will take them any over men who are macho, run over you in conversations and any other interactions, and who don’t listen or take you seriously.

4) A man who will check you when you’re wrong: I’ll be honest. Some of us need a man who isn’t afraid to ask us to have a seat. Or two. Maybe even three. Trust me, you do not want someone who will never tell you that what you did or said was just flat out wrong. You do not want someone who won’t challenge you to grow and see and consider things from a different perspective. I’m not saying to pick a macho man (re-read #3 above). I am saying that you want a man who will tell you the truth in love.

5) A man who won’t sleep with you or try to sleep with you on the first date: In fact, there are men who will need longer than that, and are even saving themselves for marriage. Ladies, again…sometimes we have to change our perspectives on men. I believe between media and some of our own bad experiences we think all men only want sex, and that they’ll play all kinds of games to get it from us. Some men do that, but not all men are like that. There are men who have self-control and won’t try to sleep with you at every turn in your interactions. Give them a chance without assuming “He’s gay”, or “Something is wrong with him”.

6) A man who has an opinion and doesn’t fit the stereotype of “dumb, unemotional or one-track” like we see in movies and other media: This man, if you get him to open up to you, will wear you out in a match of verbal volleyball. He knows what he believes, thinks and feels. And isn’t going to apologize simply because you don’t agree or you claim it offends you. And that’s because as a real man, he also has feelings and has a healthy sense of self-worth. So while he won’t be disrespectful in his disagreement with you, and will even be open to hearing your view he will hold on to what he believes to be true.