If You’re Single and Desire Marriage: Do You Know What Marriage Is?

People say you can’t change people. And so you had best to marry someone all “ready made” to avoid divorce.

But I found an article by a blogger who I love. I love hearing his take on dating and marriage – from the man’s point of view. He basically is saying that no man is going to find the perfect woman who’s “ready made”. After almost 20 years of marriage, he is an advocate of the idea of finding someone who has the “raw materials” to be a good spouse and investing in the process it takes to build a life with someone who’s capable of staying no matter what. As opposed to waiting to find a person who is “perfect” or “just right” for you.

I’m finding that so many singles – never married, widowed and divorced – have the same common fear of being tied down to the wrong person in marriage. But let’s think about this for a minute and think about how a company hires candidates for a job opening. They are aware of the demands of that job opening. They have basic standards that they require a candidate to meet to fill that job before they hire them. They have an interview process to weed out those who are unqualified and narrow down those who are. They may even take referrals from within the company. But here’s something else to consider. A lot of great companies are willing to hire certain workers based off their potential and their agreement to fulfill that potential. For example. A company might see that a candidate is qualified for the job, but maybe lacks the education that is necessary. So they might come to an agreement that the employee will seek the necessary educational level needed to maintain that job after their performance review is up.

Now, I’m not saying that selecting a spouse should be the same as hiring someone for a job. But I gave you that to help you understand a few things – mainly how much you actually can do to influence the best possible outcome in picking someone to spend the rest of your life with.

I’ve found that understanding what marriage is helps both men and women to know whether or not the person they’re dating would make a great spouse, despite their flaws and shortcomings.

There is no perfect person to marry. I know this to be true because if there was, there wouldn’t be scores of never-married men and women in the United States in their late 20s, 30s and beyond who are still waiting for that person to show up.

So before I leave you, I just want you to consider these things as you discover what the real meaning of marriage is.

1) Know what it means to be a wife: “For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22, NLT. In other translations it says that wives are to respect their husbands. I know a lot of women – Christian and non-Christian alike – who want to be married but don’t want to show a husband proper respect, or submit to his authority. They think if they do, it proves that he’s superior to them. But the truth of the matter is that this is simply God’s order for marriage and family.

2) Know what a husband’s role is in your life: In that same passage, “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her” (Ephesians 5:25, NLT). When a husband gives his life to love you and be a good husband to you, respect for him will come naturally. He has a lot of responsibility on his head and will hold an account to God concerning you.

3) Understand what marriage is really all about: “Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth” (Malachi 2:15, NLT). What God really wants from your marriage is unity, belonging, and the creation of the next generation.

4) Understand what it takes to keep that marriage together: Based off 1 and 2, the two things a marriage cannot survive without is love and respect. You can date each other all you want. You can think of all kinds of ways to have fireworks sex. But at the end of the day if you don’t have love and respect, you can’t build trust, a safe place, or goals for your marriage.

Keeping this in mind, choose someone who you can love and respect. Who you can change and grow with. Someone you can forgive and who will forgive you when mistakes are made and when you hurt each other – because that’s inevitable. Choose someone who has the capacity to adapt to the changes and challenges life will throw your way.

If you want a better understanding of what marriage is and how to date in a way that will lead to it, consider joining the “Let’s Talk About It” Community for single women. It’s a safe place for you to discuss your dating, relationship and single life challenges.