#LetsTalk: Where Do We Go After Alton Sterling and Philando Castille?
It’s been several days now since we first witnessed the awful and shocking videos of the deaths of Alton Sterling and Philando Castille. I wasn’t going to watch either video at first. But in an effort to be more engaged with world events I did.
I’m not going to pretend that I’m okay with what happened in either video…I’m not. These deaths upset me. Not because I am automatically assuming that the either police or the young men shot and killed were at fault. I was upset because this even happened. I was upset because I identified with Diamond’s fear. I don’t even know if we are anything alike, but we sure do look alike. And for the first time I can recall, I feared for my life in my own home country. But even more than these reasons, I noticed how in all the conversation that’s going on, with all the hashtags and the opinions – it seems like the fact was lost that in the case of Philando Castille, a preschooler was in the backseat. A preschooler who sat quietly watching her mother’s boyfriend die…who sat quietly watching her mother try her best not to lose her composure in a violent situation. Who apparently is intelligent and brave because she found the strength and the right words to console her mother when she finally did lose it. I wonder if it ever crossed Dae’Anna’s mind that she might be shot and killed too.
It upset me because it triggered my own “stuff”. Stuff which I won’t get into detail about here. But as I worked through the anger and put aside my own stuff, that baby’s voice telling her mother “It’s okay…I’m here with you” played like a soundtrack on repeat in my mind. The images I saw – I still have those etched into my brain too. But I could not get that baby off my mind.
I haven’t said anything else publicly (except for one private Facebook post). And I’m glad I didn’t post anything else before processing this with a few people. And most importantly before talking to God about it. I won’t post anything else. Because I see clearly now that being a “first responder” was not my place. Finding a protest to be a part of wasn’t my place. Being involved in the politics of it all wasn’t my place. Trying to talk to people who are in denial about the very clear race issues we have as a planet wasn’t my place either. My place was to find out what more I CAN do here in my local community to pour into others. This – as tragic and terrorizing as it was – was, for me, a catalyst to fire me up to answer that call to action that the Lord placed on me some years ago now.
I don’t have any answers. I can only tell you that the Lord helped me see that despite what is going on all around that He is still good. That He can still use me to do good when it seems hopeless. The weekend after all this happened I went to a blogging workshop hosted by Lashanda Henry. I was able to talk to her and one of the participants (Lynette Crosby) about this. And I was comforted in knowing that I am not alone in my concern and anger. But most importantly I received confirmation that the Lord is asking me “Are you ready now to do what I’ve been calling you to do?” And the answer is YES!
As I drove home from this workshop, I heard “The Creed” by Rich Mullins on the radio. It put a huge smile on my face because I recognized it as The Apostles Creed that I recited countless times growing up in an AME church. I remembered a story that a US Navy Chief shared with me several years ago when we were both deployed to Djibouti, Africa. We were discussing the pros and cons of the AME church and I shared that I thought it was too rigid at times. He said he saw my point but said that this aspect of our home church affiliation saved his life. He said that while he was travelling through a war zone and came under enemy attack, he was too overwhelmed to pray. All he could think to do was recite the apostles creed from start to finish! And the enemy fire ceased, and he made it back to his camp safely.
This song helped me to see that for me and many others, we can’t go wrong with calling on the Lord while asking Him for clear direction on how we can make a difference. At the end of the day, God is STILL good and HE is in control.
THE APOSTLES CREED:
1. I believe in God the Father, Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth:
2. And in Jesus Christ, his only begotten Son, our Lord:
3. Who was conceived by the Holy Ghost, born of the Virgin Mary:
4. Suffered under Pontius Pilate; was crucified, dead and buried: He descended into hell:
5. The third day he rose again from the dead:
6. He ascended into heaven, and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty:
7. From thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead:
8. I believe in the Holy Ghost:
9. I believe in the holy catholic church: the communion of saints:
10. The forgiveness of sins:
1l. The resurrection of the body:
12. And the life everlasting. Amen.
Afi Ruel
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