Bosses Behaving Badly: Cleaning Up the Messy Gossip Boss

For Christian Working Women
September 26, 2016
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Before I write anything else I want to put out a disclaimer. I am NOT creating this series to vent about every boss I’ve had that I hated. I am writing this because one boss that I had while in the military single-handedly became my “final exam” so to speak of horrible bosses. Meaning, they definitely weren’t the worst boss I’d had…but they certainly did cause me to call on every lesson I’d learned about dealing with horrible bosses. I wound up overcoming this boss for 2 reasons: I’d had ones that were far worse, and I had a mentor outside of work who helped me understand exactly what I needed to do to survive this one.

But this boss inspired an entire blog series (and an audio series) about how to handle bosses who behave badly. What stood out to me with this particular boss is that I had several other military members in our department put me in the “counselor’s chair” while they disclosed some shocking interpersonal details about this person. And while there were multiple ways in which this person terrorized others, the first was that they were what I call a messy boss.

My definition of messy in the professional sense is the quality of being unable or unwilling to keep sensitive, private or embarassing information private. It’s also the inability or unwillingness to deal with sensitive, private or embarassing situations in a way that leaves an employee with dignity. They gossip like it’s high school. And they get away with it because some of their peers and their superiors see their gossip as vital information and they see that person as vital to the team.

And I’m sure that just by this definition you can see why dealing with a messy gossip boss is painful at best. So here’s how to deal:

1.Only give them facts about the job: Never offer your opinion unless they ask or if you can back it up with facts. Messy bosses love to argue and then repeat the “fact” that you argued back (even if you really didn’t…even if all you really did was give them your opinion that was opposite to theirs, when they asked for it). So never tell them something you don’t want repeated. Messy bosses repeat everything and cannot hold confidences. Which leads me to my next point…

2. Keep it strictly professional: If you ever vent to this person, don’t be surprised if what you say is not only repeated but twisted, chopped, screwed and then broadcast for anyone else’s knowledge or awareness. If you ever reveal anything personal, don’t be surprised if everyone in the office knows about it a day later.

3.NEVER let them see you emotional: Although messy people are often quite emotional themselves, they really don’t know what to do with your emotions…except broadcast the fact that you made the mistake of letting them show in front of them. Don’t EVER let them see you emotional unless you want to feel like you entered a time warp machine and went back middle school and high school days where everybody gossiped about everything. They’re like psychopaths in that the more emotion you show, the more they use that against you.

4. Confront them: Only do this if what they open the door by asking you for feedback or if are saying and doing is ruining your professional reputation. And even then, you need to seek the counsel of a human resources rep who will keep the situation confidential and give you sound advice on how to proceed with confronting them should you need to take further action against them. If they open the door by asking why you’re so “distant”, make sure that you stress that you’re not. Make sure that they understand that it’s their behavior that proves they are not trustworthy with any of your personal information. If they do not open the door to feedback but they are ruining your reputation, when you confront them focus on the connection between what they’ve said and how it is negatively impacting your ability to get the job done. Do not make things personal. They’ll only take mental (or possibly written) lists of all your complaints and then gossip about those.