Testimony: From Single to Married
In this article, I share an interview with guest Author of My Faith guest writer Marcyline Bailey, a licensed social worker. Here she shares her testimony of going from single to married as a Christian woman.
How did you and your husband meet?
My husband and I met on the campus of Northwestern University. He was one of the first persons I met. An upper classman, who was like a big sister introduced us. He was a sophomore and I was a freshman. I was totally not attracted to him. He had a big smile, was jovial and kind. His pants sagged and his shirts were always too big. He also had a habit of pulling the tail of his jacket down over his butt. He would also get real close to my face invading my space. I could not stand that. I was looking at the “cool” guys, the guys who wore pointed toed shoes and had nice haircuts. The one’s who all the other girls wanted. Needless to say my husband and I never dated, but we became very good friends. He was fun and a true gentleman. I suppose I thought of him to be a big brother of sorts. I looked at his outward appearance and missed his inward beauty.
We completely lost touch after he graduated. Occasionally, I would hear about him through other friends, but never made any effort to contact him. It would be 14 years before we spoke or saw each other again.
My husband and I became reacquainted when we were both 35 years old. Neither of us had married and neither had children. We dated for a year before getting married, which is another story in and of itself. We each knew ourselves well enough to know what we wanted. We both agreed that we each had to be ready to fully appreciate the other. We have been married for 20 years now and have two beautiful, intelligent teenaged daughters.
Did you ever give up hope that you would be married?
Marriage was a part of the vision I had for my life. I wanted to be a career woman, marry a man and have children. However, I seemed to attract men who only wanted to have sex with me; who had little ambition or who did not interest me. I decided that if I was going to be single, I wanted to be happy.
My pastor shared a wise statement with me saying “women want men who seem to have power and prestige, but they need to understand that those men are attracted to women who have the same.” “You have to work on yourself first.” I began to work on myself.
I started by taking an honest look at myself; my personality, physical looks, and emotional stability. I then wrote in detail the vision I had for my life. I wrote my vision as if I were single. I believed that my companion should have similar interests and life goals.
I then wrote all of the characteristics that I desired in my husband. It was a detailed list that also included his personality, physical and emotional traits. I included mental abilities as well. I wrote that I wanted my husband to be like my Northwestern friend because he always treated me with kindness and with more respect than any man I had ever met. I asked God to send me the man I described. In the meantime, I worked on myself so that I would be worthy of the man I asked God to send. I also worked to understand and appreciate myself.
Biggest Challenge as a single woman?
Self- esteem was my biggest challenge. I grew up believing that my self-worth was based on what others thought of me. I did not understand that my value was determined by who I am as a person, demonstrated by my gifts and embodied by my treatment of others.
I also believed that my worth was based on having a handsome prince to sweep me off of my feet, ride with me into the sunset, so that we would live happily ever after. Isn’t that the image that is presented to us in all of the movies? We are taught that we are nothing if we do not have a man. I once believed that I would feel better about myself if I was with a man that others considered handsome, powerful, or popular. I know other women have had the same belief.
What advice would you give to single Christian women past the age of 30 who still desire marriage and family? Develop a positive and honest relationship with yourself. Recognize, understand and accept the good, bad, ugly and indifferent features about yourself and how it all combines to make you a fabulous person. Communicate your positive “you” message in a variety of ways. Confidence is attractive.
Accept the fact that you alone are responsible for your happiness. Step out of your personal comfort zone and try new activities; especially ones you have put off. Do not be afraid to leave your best buddies and go alone. Single men are more likely to approach a single woman than a woman in a large group.
Feel free to be yourself in every situation; enjoy life and enjoy other people. Genuine interest in others is a foolproof conversation starter. Ask questions and be curious. Make new friends.
Be open-minded about the possibilities, go through the day with a sense of expectation and above all believe and trust God.
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Marcyline Bailey
workers to relax, empower, advocate and learn.” She also founded HappyHalfHour.Club for “hardworking professionals who want to be happy.
Latest posts by Marcyline Bailey (see all)
- Testimony: From Single to Married - September 29, 2016
- Keep Calm and Carry On - September 23, 2016
- Self-Care for Support Professionals - September 15, 2016
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