Why Single Christian Women Stay Single
I read – I think on Essence online – how singer Ciara Wilson caught a lot of grief about sharing a clip of John Gray’s video about The Spirit of Girlfriend, which was meant to talk about why single Christian women stay single. I believe it was part of a longer message, but I’ve never seen the entire message – just that particular part. I DO know, however, that plenty of single women (many I’m sure were Christian) did not appreciate Ciara sharing the video with the message to “Level Up”.
A lot of those same women are probably mad with John Gray for sharing the message in the first place.
Personally, I can appreciate what he’s trying to say. Which is that when you make the decision to have better, generally better shows up. But, as I see it, the problem with his teaching is that it’s incomplete. Meaning, the heart of his message is one aspect of a very complex, and sad problem that Christians face today – in particular, Christian women.
Here’s the truth about why single Christian women stay single…
First: One thing that I’ve noticed is that most of the teachings I’ve seen from Christian leaders in the pulpit are targeted towards women, which automatically fails to hold men accountable for their part of the problem. The messages usually go like this “Keep your legs closed, stop dating outside the church, stop dating on line, sit down, be happy and just wait on God”. Or “There’s nothing out there for you…just spend more time working in the church”. The problem is that the vast majority of Christian women who do this remain single…and I mean the never-married kind of single. And as a Bible-believing Christian the response to this should be to find out why instead of assuming that you know why. Because you don’t. AND BECAUSE God never intended for “man” to be alone. He created “woman” as his helper and equal to go through life with him.
Second: There’s so little follow up and support after these message are put out. Where are the CO-ED disucssion groups? The ones where the men are held accountable just like the women? Where are the conferences, retreats and workshops dedicated to this? They’re few and far in between in the church because it just isn’t on married church folk’s radar. Yet, some of those same church folk are quick to give you advice on how to stay single…because there just isn’t anything out there for you.
Third: There’s so few married people who are willing to mentor others who want marriage and family. And if they do, many of them charge money in exchange for their time. This is why so many singles spend time doing things that don’t work and finally make them give up and resign to remaining single for the rest of their life. It never ceases to amaze me how the people who SHOULD be writing books about this, hosting seminars or sharing how they did it…when they’re asked to, they get offended and say that it’s not a formula. True. But you obviously did something right to get where you are. And it is biblical to mentor others who need it. It’s not ungodly to help people not spend their 20’s and in some cases all their 30’s making horrible mistakes in the name of trying to find love.
So what do we do? Well, we stay connected to people and resources who encourage us and provide the support we need in times of frustration and confusion. Here are some of my personal resources and connections that keep me encouraged.
Don’t give up. No matter how bad it looks, just don’t give up.
Single-to-Married Facebook Prayer Group. They have live prayers calls every other week.
Aesha Adams-Roberts: Matchmaker and Dating Coach. Provides advice, encouragement and support for women who desire marriage.
Books:
Do you have resources already that you are connected to? If so, share them below in the comments.
Afi Ruel
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